You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
