you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
