He told me they were just razor bumps!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
