You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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