quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
