so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
