i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
