you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So squirting runs in the family.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
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