i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
