I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
