And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
