Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
either way he was missing a nipple.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize
