Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
