dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
