we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
