I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
