Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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