im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
