I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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