Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
