take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
