Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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