She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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