btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
