After last night, I could never be a politician.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
