I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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