I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
