I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
