Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
