So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
