Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
