So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
