it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
