The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
