How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
