got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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