The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize