i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
