I just threw up on my dentist
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I deserve this hangover.
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