We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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