it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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