the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
