I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
