i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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