I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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