I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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