So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
