You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
