Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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