We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
