you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
