Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
