i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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