Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
