I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
