Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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