Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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