Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
