guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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