My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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