Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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