I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
