I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
