So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
