Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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