smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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