Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
