The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
