so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm both gender and math confused
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
