The maid of honor just puked.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
