yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
